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crap [Jan. 2nd, 2005|02:48 pm]
[music |Elliott Smith - Needle in the Hay]

fixed from last

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hey [Jan. 2nd, 2005|02:45 pm]
[mood |eh.]
[music |Elliott Smith - Needle in the Hay]

yeah so.... I'm here... periodically.

here's christmas presents


I'm returning most of it
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HALLOWEEN! (late) [Nov. 3rd, 2004|08:21 pm]

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he's such a trooper [Aug. 9th, 2004|03:22 pm]
[mood |creativecreative]
[music |zero 7 - i have seen]

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First update in forever [Jul. 15th, 2004|09:47 pm]
[mood |blankblank]
[music |The streets - fit (but you know it)]

hey... I'm back... I'll try to post more... and maybe add more friends...


School started.

yep... I'm gonna be a paul mitchell cosmotologist eventually..I am the only straight guy their which is neat I guess... if all the girls weren't pergnant or married...or even remotely diserable that would be a plus too... BUT ALAS this is the curse of unpopulated southern living.

Yeah I don't really look for girls or relationships at all anymore.. I figure if I'm gonna bite down on the barrel of the gun and actually move up to seattle best not leave me no worries with any birds flying around in me head. unless of course the unthinkable will happen.. and I can't think of what that would be HAHAHAHA GET IT? : | .. but yeah

Also I'm still losing weight. I just keep on keep on... I hope I still keep on keep on later too. I think it's all the cold water I've been drinking.

Oh well.......

ps.. everybody needs to see this. www.homestarrunner.com/expfilm.html
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why...why.....why [Mar. 11th, 2004|04:58 pm]
I just don't get it anymore...Why do people lead other people on? there's no point to it at all. if you like somebody then case closed you like them. it's not anything tricky. and if you don't you don't... simple as that... I made this friend a couple of weeks ago and we talked quite often on a variation of topics... well she just dropped me I guess I don't know what her deal is maybe she's too cool for me or something but it really really sucks now because I could care less about the situation but i spent $160 on prom tickets and now i have noone to go with... arg... I wish she would have blown me off just 2 days earlier that's all.. I'm not gonna be able to have the moxy to tell anyone either... There is someone that I would be rather off going to prom with... maybe I'll ask her... In like a week or something...man this sucks...
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bad day...again...but not like the song [Mar. 8th, 2004|10:42 am]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]
[music |Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out]

Hey journal...everybody... audience of 2 or more...I'm having an extrememly bad day today and nothing went right at all... First I wake up late thus getting a detention. Then Bret rubs in my face that he got the lead the school musical... upset by the news I could hardly get any work done in class thus getting a bad grade.. Then breakbell rings so I goto get a biscuit, but there out, thus I buy dill chips... Then i goto see if i got riff or something know that bret got the lead but no I got snowboy freaking snowboy thus i tell the teacher i have no need to waiste my time on a small part so i quit...which might be bad since i'm going to be an actor.....I'm still stuck on my earlier problem and I may be going to prom with a girl that already has a bf...I mean it would be fun and everyone would be jelous or happy for me, but....dah I just want Becky or something... Why is it that everytime I'm upset that's my answer for everything... that I wish i had Becky... She just makes me feel good when I'm doing horrible...but what is there to lean on when she's the one that makes you feel horrible... I wish i had...someone...someone authentic and legitimate that cares about me and can comfort me...I h8 this town...there's really nothing left for me here... never really was...makes you think though, if you can't do good in a small town community play, what do u expect in the big city.. Why does everybody settle... I don't want to just settle... I always thought that getting the cosmotology degree and moving to ny would be the couragous out there on the limb curious thing to do, but what's more challenging or profound.. I want to be an actor, but i don't want to fail...it's good i have a back up plan.... I like jersey girls though, i font know what the deal is but there fun to talk to...everyone i met so far at least.... I know this is all so crazy just blurting out how i feel but it's a way of means for me to express my self... it's not like i have some kind of psyciatrst or something... What sucks is everyone all like "what's wrong?" i don't know where to start i just say "nothing" say"my contacts hurt" or something else belivible....I wish i could scream, stand, make a statment... I'm just more reserved laid back...

I don't want to be in so much pain anymore... My so called life of idiots and problems that plages my exitstence is an annoyance of my self being...
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.... [Feb. 27th, 2004|11:05 pm]
::sigh::... just depression agony...Everything is just in chaos... Nothing is normal,... or sane,... or remotely anything close to satisfying... see you don't know what it's like.. your a large internet site including thousands of people's journals... maybe you do understand... I mean their are alot of people that complain to you...
Really I am upset though... It's like someone taking a child clinging to your leg and just having a change of happiness to confusion and beating the child's head in... I'm the child btw...wait this doesn't make since because I don't do childish things... but I do consider myself kinda cute huggable and innocent... I just don't get it... I mean yes that's right I do have a big heart... but do you have any idea how hard it is to get into that heart... God will always be there, but girls will find it hard to penatrate... unless your ..... I loved this one girl more than I have ever loved any human... She's incredibly important to me and I would do absolutely any earthy challenge in a heartbeat if it meant being with her... my emotions haven't changed... throughout ex's nagging, numerous flirters, and heart surgury the only one I ever wanted to be their for me is her... really after everything all the mistakes and mishaps i still would love love love to be with her... I have alot more to talk about and my views about this situation but I don't have time and id much rather communicate via telephone
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stardate 2-25-04 [Feb. 25th, 2004|03:22 pm]
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]
[music |Ani Defranco]

hey... I'm... yeah... you know sometimes I like livejournal and then sometimes I don't... too many people know my name...well like 10...or 2... maybe I'm just paranoid... it's just makes me feel like I can't express what I truley feel.... I had a great weekend filled with "laughter and tears". lots and lots of fun... i mean except for saturday night... that was kinda weoird... Becky is the best...maybe not the bestest best... but the best.. she liked the songs that i was going to try out for open mic nite so thats cool.. also I think shes cool with me getting into so much "emo" stuff.. We had a nice nap listening to dashboard confessional and she liked them... don't diss he's awlsome you know it...we watched a walk to remember on friday.... I always told her I couldn't watch that movie without crying... seriously.... I'm pretty upset that shes gone... or that I left...whatever... I'm just happy when shes around and yada yada yada...that was cool too... I'm trying to make this post as complicated to read as I can so only I and a select few could read it.. that's so dumb... I'm sure alot of people could understand alot of it...I'm not doing good... I thought I'd be fine but I gotta talk to someone that could actually help me, and by help i don't mean medical or clinical... I've met alot of intresting fun crazy girls lately but ironicly their all lesbians... o_0...I know this post is random but so am I...Ani Defranco is pretty neat and kinda weoird... shes folk rock rite... and she's got mad guitar skillz... its crazy she plays with fake fingernails and duct tape..shes really political... I don't reccomend to the gullible.. she will make you a protestor...I got DSL now... its not really that much different.. just like a little faster then 56k.... for at least so far....let me test this...its kazaa lite time.....26.38 Kb/s... I'll take back what I said.. in the 56k days faster i got was 5Kbs........ man this sucks... I hate this town...I'm gonna go nutty...
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Holidays [Dec. 23rd, 2003|11:18 pm]
[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[music |Coheed & Cambria - In Keeping Secrets of Silient Earth:3]

It's the holidays.... I'm suppose to enjoy holidays...exactly what is wrong with me.... I'm so lazy I don't clean my room... I want to paint it and move in furniture... I want to become a hair stylist... I also want to conivince myself that i did not miss any of my childhood by growing up to fast.... I can't get over on thing...one stupid silly pathetic nit picking thing.... ya know i try to get over it with Ronna or some other random date but I'm still stuck on you know who wheter we went out or not... which from the last time talking to her i have deduced that is still a foggy maybe... Maybe i wasn't her ideal canidate.... ideal canidate?! what am i rambling about i was the perfect candidate...i mean maybe i didnt dress as hip or wear my hair in the way she liked.... I'm an idiot... I'm a dork I'm here I don't know maybe i just need closure because she was the best thing that happened to me and probobly 3 other guys... and for some strange odd weird reason i just can't get over her. no matter what... I don't know maybe out of her other guys that didn't make it with her maybe i thought i could be the only guy to pry my way back through her life.... really though I'd be perfectly fine with being her friend.. either way i just want to talk to her.. i miss her so much.. I don't know if it was the way she talked to me and we could have endless conversations feeling like we were just about the same person... those eskimos kisses those darn eskimo kisses... I swear i feel like something is missing from me.. does she feel the same? heck no. i'd hardly imagine what she would think if she saw this lj post... I mean i'm a nice guy...I'm sweet i make quirky jokes...im still a great christian kid.. im cute...not hot..cute...but thats okay.. now i work out too so im more fit... but i have one major flaw...The girl that may or may have not been the girl of my dreams passed me by.... not that she came out like a shining star after being with me, what with going out with a nonchristian, losing you know what and ending herself in a circle of doubt... i still she her to be so amazing i cantt stand sometimes when i think about her...it makes me sad aboot the past, unhappy abot my self, feeliung a part of me lost, hurting from lack of her all at the same time... isnt it ironic and cleche i use to be crazy kid with ska music and now im pathetic loser with emo.....dah!
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